Children with autism or special needs, certainly are a puzzle to
figure out, especially when it comes to rewards and discipline. It is
often hard to distinguish between what the children can understand,
whether they are in rebellion, having sensory issues, or just plain
voicing their opinion. As parents, we are constantly looking at the
context of the behavior, studying our child and doing our best to do
what is needed. At times, we are extremely guilty of spoiling our child
with autism or special needs because we are just unsure what to do. Then
when our children grow into teenagers and young adults, their meltdowns
become downright dangerous due to their physical size and strength. In
order for our children with autism or special needs to grow into the
people they are meant to be, rewards and loving discipline is extremely
necessary!
ABA therapy is really great at using the rewards system to help with
behavior for both sensory and rebellion issues. These can be applied at
home also.
The rewards system gives the child with autism or special needs a
feeling of accomplishment, purpose and a sense of consistency that they
desperately need. Instead of allowing the children to have complete and
total access to their "favorites" all the time, the reward system should
be utilized. This is how the rewards system works. When the children
either complete a task or exhibit desired behavior, then they "earn" and
are rewarded with one of their favorite sensory activities and can also
earn points/money towards "the store" so they can purchase a toy,
favorite food, or special activity, such as computer time, game time,
movie time or accumulate points for a fun outing. If they do not
complete their task or exhibit undesired behavior, then first, get to
the heart of the issue, to determine the next step of action. If the
undesired behavior is due to sensory issues then those need to be
addressed with sensory-friendly solutions. If it's due to rebellion then
the children have not "earned" their reward and therefore do not
receive their reward and must continue to work to earn it. Sometimes, a
"break" is needed to help the children calm down and refocus. The
children can then go to a quiet place for just a few minutes to do so.
Then the children can rejoin the activity and complete their task or
desired behavior. One thing that is helpful is to always give the
children the continued opportunity to earn their rewards, instead of
simply taking the rewards away for an undetermined time. If rewards need
to be taken away specify for how long and give the children more
chances to earn the rewards back. Children with autism or special needs
sometimes have a very hard time with the unknown and they may feel the
reward is taken away forever, which is why it is important to set the
time frame boundaries.
When I use the word discipline in this context, it is meant to
"disciple" or to teach in love (as opposed to punish or harm) . First,
and foremost, it is extremely important to get to the heart of the issue
before doing any type of action to correct behavior. This requires
asking a lot of questions and looking into the context of the behavior.
If the child with autism or special needs is verbal, calm the child down
as much as possible with sensory techniques and then calmly ask some
open ended questions that start with why, how, what, etc.. If the child
has difficulty with those types of questions then ask closed questions
with answers of "yes" or "no" or give some other choices for the child
to answer. If the child is either nonverbal or verbal ask the other
people involved in the behavior event these same questions to discern
the heart of the issue. If the behavior was due to sensory issues then
those issues need to be addressed with sensory-friendly solutions and
discipline is usually ineffective due to the children literally could
not help their behavior. Sometimes, the children put themselves in very
dangerous situations. It is best to study the children to determine the
type of discipline that is effective in these situations because every
child reacts differently. Sometimes, the children need to be removed
from the situation, other times the object that is causing dangerous
behavior needs to be removed and sometimes constant supervision and
safety precautions are needed to keep the children safe. If children
with autism or special needs are wanderers (or runners/explorers) then
safety measures such as door, window and other child-safety locks are
needed, harness backpacks need to be worn, or the children, if they are
small, to be kept in a stroller while out and about might be needed too.
Whatever is needed to keep the children safe is paramount. This takes a
lot of effort, time and money but it is worth the peace of mind knowing
that the parent has effective safety measures for the children in
place. Sometimes the children might need very distinct discipline that
will help them to remember to keep safe at all times. At times, removing
dressers and other furniture from the children's bedroom is necessary.
Also having simple furnishing and décor and little or no clutter in the
rest of the home is effective too. Every child with autism or special
needs is different so what is needed to keep the child safe is also
different.
The rewards system and loving discipline for children with autism or
special needs helps them feel secure and helps with behavior and keeping
everyone safe as well as enabling the children to engage in activities
they might otherwise miss. All of this makes for happier children and
family!
