Rewards, Discipline, and Children with Autism or Special Needs

Children with autism or special needs, certainly are a puzzle to figure out, especially when it comes to rewards and discipline. It is often hard to distinguish between what the children can understand, whether they are in rebellion, having sensory issues, or just plain voicing their opinion. As parents, we are constantly looking at the context of the behavior, studying our child and doing our best to do what is needed. At times, we are extremely guilty of spoiling our child with autism or special needs because we are just unsure what to do. Then when our children grow into teenagers and young adults, their meltdowns become downright dangerous due to their physical size and strength. In order for our children with autism or special needs to grow into the people they are meant to be, rewards and loving discipline is extremely necessary!
ABA therapy is really great at using the rewards system to help with behavior for both sensory and rebellion issues. These can be applied at home also.
The rewards system gives the child with autism or special needs a feeling of accomplishment, purpose and a sense of consistency that they desperately need. Instead of allowing the children to have complete and total access to their "favorites" all the time, the reward system should be utilized. This is how the rewards system works. When the children either complete a task or exhibit desired behavior, then they "earn" and are rewarded with one of their favorite sensory activities and can also earn points/money towards "the store" so they can purchase a toy, favorite food, or special activity, such as computer time, game time, movie time or accumulate points for a fun outing. If they do not complete their task or exhibit undesired behavior, then first, get to the heart of the issue, to determine the next step of action. If the undesired behavior is due to sensory issues then those need to be addressed with sensory-friendly solutions. If it's due to rebellion then the children have not "earned" their reward and therefore do not receive their reward and must continue to work to earn it. Sometimes, a "break" is needed to help the children calm down and refocus. The children can then go to a quiet place for just a few minutes to do so. Then the children can rejoin the activity and complete their task or desired behavior. One thing that is helpful is to always give the children the continued opportunity to earn their rewards, instead of simply taking the rewards away for an undetermined time. If rewards need to be taken away specify for how long and give the children more chances to earn the rewards back. Children with autism or special needs sometimes have a very hard time with the unknown and they may feel the reward is taken away forever, which is why it is important to set the time frame boundaries.
When I use the word discipline in this context, it is meant to "disciple" or to teach in love (as opposed to punish or harm) . First, and foremost, it is extremely important to get to the heart of the issue before doing any type of action to correct behavior. This requires asking a lot of questions and looking into the context of the behavior. If the child with autism or special needs is verbal, calm the child down as much as possible with sensory techniques and then calmly ask some open ended questions that start with why, how, what, etc.. If the child has difficulty with those types of questions then ask closed questions with answers of "yes" or "no" or give some other choices for the child to answer. If the child is either nonverbal or verbal ask the other people involved in the behavior event these same questions to discern the heart of the issue. If the behavior was due to sensory issues then those issues need to be addressed with sensory-friendly solutions and discipline is usually ineffective due to the children literally could not help their behavior. Sometimes, the children put themselves in very dangerous situations. It is best to study the children to determine the type of discipline that is effective in these situations because every child reacts differently. Sometimes, the children need to be removed from the situation, other times the object that is causing dangerous behavior needs to be removed and sometimes constant supervision and safety precautions are needed to keep the children safe. If children with autism or special needs are wanderers (or runners/explorers) then safety measures such as door, window and other child-safety locks are needed, harness backpacks need to be worn, or the children, if they are small, to be kept in a stroller while out and about might be needed too. Whatever is needed to keep the children safe is paramount. This takes a lot of effort, time and money but it is worth the peace of mind knowing that the parent has effective safety measures for the children in place. Sometimes the children might need very distinct discipline that will help them to remember to keep safe at all times. At times, removing dressers and other furniture from the children's bedroom is necessary. Also having simple furnishing and décor and little or no clutter in the rest of the home is effective too. Every child with autism or special needs is different so what is needed to keep the child safe is also different.
The rewards system and loving discipline for children with autism or special needs helps them feel secure and helps with behavior and keeping everyone safe as well as enabling the children to engage in activities they might otherwise miss. All of this makes for happier children and family!

Unpackaging the Holidays

As we just celebrated Valentine's Day, I am reminded of some helpful hints with the holidays and birthdays or any gift giving/receiving events.
I don't know about your kids with autism or special needs but mine love seeing their presents or gifts in the package and are ready to play with them right then. Well, this poses a problem because it takes time to get the toys or gifts out of the package, during which time major meltdowns happen, causing stress for the person getting the gift out of the package, therefore taking more time, causing a chain reaction of major stress and the day ending up not being fun, when it was meant to be a celebration time with smiles.
So recently, I started unpackaging every gift, including the candy, the night before or at least sometime before the gift is received. I get the gift ready to be played with immediately so that there is no lag time between receiving the gift and the gift being played with.
With electronics, such as an iPad, Kindle, iPod, computer, etc. it's best to get it out of the package, power it up, register it, get a few apps, music, or programs downloaded to the device so it is ready to be used as soon as it is given. I did this with both the iPad that Autism Speaks gave us and the Kindle Fire my family gave us and I am so glad I did because it took probably an hour just to get each ready to even download apps and then another hour to download the apps. So two hours set up time for EACH device just to be ready to use. That would have been a nightmare if I had waited to do these things until after I gave these electronic gifts to the kids on Christmas day. However, I did not even think about unwrapping the candy we had and I ended spending the morning unwrapping candy for my youngest but the other two threw the wrappers on the floor creating a huge mess.
For Valentine's day, I gave my oldest a baby doll complete with clothes, feeding supplies, a bottle and a diaper bag. For my middle child, I gave a small pop-up tent and for my baby a Lullaby Elmo. All with ties to be untied to get them out of the package. It probably took me 30 minutes to do just those toys. I decided to also put the gifts in their rooms to be discovered by the kids at their leisure. And this time I also unwrapped the Hershey's kisses and the chocolate Hearts we got and put them in a candy dish ready to be eaten. Whew, that went by so much better with not near the mess or meltdowns that we've had in the past. We actually had a celebration! It was a nice, fun, relaxing time!

I've got Potty Power!

I am starting to introduce potty training to my 2.5 year old. I started backwards with getting underwear and pullups, but he just isn't ready for any of that yet. So I decided to get the same DVD that I found and used for my 8 year old and 6 year old. It's called "Potty Power" and I found it on amazon.com here for a great price!
We are also using the  Signing Time! Potty Time! video as well, which is a great supplement especially for those kiddos who are nonverbal. I love the song "Stop and Go!" that's on there. You can find the DVD here and at checkout look up Ronda Page as an instructor and you can get a discount. Or if you'd like a digital download version (here) of Potty Time! put rondapage for the coupon code and you get a discount on the digital version. (can be played on iOS ((ie iPad, iPhone, iPod etc.)) systems as well as your computer)

I play these videos for the kids until they get interested in potty training and show some signs by sitting on the potty, saying potty, watching others in the family go potty. And then when I feel they are ready, I start taking them every 30 minutes to sit on the potty with their clothes and diaper on and just for a minute or so. Then after I feel they are comfortable with that then we have a "potty day" where we set aside a whole day to hang out in the bathroom for at least half the day.

On "potty day" (adapted from the book Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day by Teri Crane found here) the child stays seated on the potty until he/she goes and then a short break to drink his/her favorite drink, play with a favorite toy and maybe a snack, and then right back on the potty until success again! And then another short break and back on the potty. I tried the potty doll with my kids and they didn't really understand the concept especially with the girls having autism, so I am skipping that step with my son, who also has developmental delays. Ms. Crane gives a ton more suggestions and feel free to do what works and skip what doesn't work for your child.
After "potty day" then it's underwear time and I take my child to the bathroom every 30 minutes consistently until they start saying potty or going on their own. When we are running errands or traveling then I take them potty right before we get in the van and then again as soon as we arrive at our destination and then again right before we leave. A lot of times we still use a diaper or pullup for naps and night time but every child is different so I just try to pay attention to the child's needs and go from there.
These are just some things that we've done/doing for potty training with my children who have autism or delays. I hope this helps you too! Do you have any potty training tips for children with special needs?

Merry Christmas from Autism Speaks!

Autism Speaks gave our family an iPad for Christmas:D! I was hesitant to post about it because I didn't want to seem like we are bragging. We've been praying for an iPad for at least two years and we are so thankful to finally get one! We are all getting to know how to use it and the many apps to choose from that are best for the kids. So far my favorite apps has been Reading Raven and Chore Pad in the iTunes store. I also stumbled across a facebook page called A4cwsn or Apps for Children with Special Needs, (website is www.a4cwsn.com ) that has a ton of recommendations for apps, giveaways and a great community supporting each other as we walk this journey with our family members who have special needs.
My extended family also gave us a Kindle Fire HD for Christmas and beyond that we enjoyed some new movies, good food, fellowship and candy. We had a very nice Christmas celebrating the reason for the season, Jesus Christ. We had a lot of people help us throughout this year so we put together some photo ornaments and passed them out to say "Thank you". We hope your Christmas was wonderful too!

Respite Care

As I've done searches looking for Respite Care (someone to care for our loved ones with autism/special needs and their siblings so parents/caregivers can take a much needed break) I've seen a lot of articles stressing the need for respite care but very little about actual respite care services. Some states fund respite care in different ways, such as Personal Care Assistants or PCA's or in home care, specialized centers, and others. Sometimes, though, we need emergency help or more hours. In my state of SC, there is PCA services available. I also have found one church, Saxe Gothe Pres. in Lexington, that gives excellent care for free for 3 hours one Saturday per month and they care for all 3 of my children. There were others but this one fit our family the best. We found them through a great local community non-profit for families with special needs family members. It's called the Family Connection Center and it's website is www.familyconnectionsc.org. There are some states with similiar organizations. A lot of the services are free or low cost for those of us who need it. Also a great website to find a babysitter or nanny is www.care.com/specialneeds where experienced and trained caregivers are listed along with their availability and rates.
I am still looking for respite care in emergency situations.
It's always good to have a plan for respite because we all need a break in order to be the best for our family members with special needs and not.

First Family Business Bazaar

I wish I would've taken some pictures but it completely escaped my mind as we were very busy with our family's first business Bazaar! The kids and I set up shop at our church's first annual Bazaar which had 30 booths or so, of locally-owned business presenters. We had information on Signing Time products (www.signingtimeacademy.com/rondapage), Waiora products, especially Natural Celllular Defense, (www.rediscoveryourlife.com/938812) and our iPad Challenge (http://www.thepuzzlingpiece.com/products_ic.html  challenger name Ronda Page). I didn't have a chance to put together anything for our Autism Awareness gift store for the Bazaar, so here it is (http://www.cafepress.com/pagesgiftsandsuch).

MJ had a great time handing out business cards, Nathan was so enthusiastic watching the Signing Time videos by signing along with Rachel and laughing contagiously with the music (everyone kept asking how much HE was to buy!) and Lydia had a great time eating the various samples the other booth owners gave out. Our PCA was a great help and we wouldn't have been able to do it without her!

I followed up today with the names we gathered and look foward to earning more income for our family!

Educational Preschool videos and toys

There have been some videos that have been key in early education for my kids that really reinforced the preschool curriculum of learning colors, shapes, ABC's, numbers/math, sight words, early reading and increasing vocabulary words. I have already mentioned Signing Time. In addition to these wonderful videos, we have had a lot of fun learning shapes, colors, letters, numbers, sight words and phonics with Preschool Prep. Company's videos of the same names. I first learned about these videos from a MOPS group when we had a "our favorite things" session and a fellow mom recommended them to all of us. Another video series along with toys and fridge magnets is Leap Frog's videos. I think the early ones are the best such as Letter Factory, The Talking Words Factory, The Code Word Caper, The Storybook Factory, and Math Circus. The newer videos didn't seem to hold my kids' attention as well. The Fridge Phonics magnets as well taught my children their abc's by sight, sound, the abc song and to be able to recognize the letters in any order.
A lot of ASD kids, are visual as well as tactile learners and all of these really reinforced their learning at such an important stage. I still play these videos for my 8 and 5 year old as reviews and they both still love them too. My 2 year old loves them and is starting his journey to learn these basics.