Both of my girls and Nathan have been speech delayed. MJ is very verbal now and Lydia is picking up words. While they were/are struggling with speech, we found alternative ways to communicate. The first was "Baby Signs" but then I quickly moved to traditional American Sign Language (ASL) so as to use a real language and not risk offending someone with made up signs. I took an ASL class in college and wish I would've have continued in taking more classes. However, I found a great resource at the library and at the time it was also on public television. It was the DVD series called Signing Time!. MJ especially loved the shows and rapidly increased her vocabulary both in sign and in speech. She still watches them to this day.
Lydia also loves watching Signing Time and I believe it has helped her receptive language a lot. The preschool in Utah found that Lydia does better with the Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS) for expressive language. This system uses pictures with words on cards and boards with velcro on them to create sentences with the pictures. The teacher or adult hands the child the picture cards and whatever they are trying to communicate, that card is given back to the teacher or placed on the board. For example, "Lydia, would you like milk or juice?". The milk and juice cards are handed to Lydia and she gives back the card for whichever choice she made. In this case, Lydia handed back the milk card as her choice.
It was hard for me to accept that Lydia did better with PECS and to implement it in our home because it's just plain inconvenient to carry all those cards and PECS book. I finally gave in though and the school made a PECS book for home and helped with a PECS Schedule board also. The PECs Schedule board helps the children know what to expect during their routines of the day. MJ and Lydia both love schedule boards and it helps them especially for school.
I am using ASL with Nathan too. He has picked up some and we are watching the Baby Signing Time series made by the same company that created Signing Time.
MJ seems to have a lot of meltdowns when she feels misunderstood. One of the autism specialists mentioned that MJ feels everyone can read her mind and know what she's doing/wants. I hadn't ever thought of that before. Whenever meltdowns happen, I found out that if I ask MJ what is going on and how can I help vs. disciplining for the outburst, that it's usually a simple fix. If it isn't then I repeat MJ's request and tell her I understand how she feels but we cannot do her request and then state the reason as simply as possible. She's usually very reasonable after knowing that she's been listened to, understood, her feelings cared about and that she is loved. If discipline is given as the first response, it hurts MJ and she acts out even worse because she feels unloved and not heard. She thinks people are just being mean and ugly to her for no reason. I've noticed this is the case with a lot of children with autism.
It takes a lot of effort to get to the heart of the issue vs. disciplining outward behavior, even with typical children. One book that was given to us that has helped me understand this is Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. It talks about the root of the behavior verses the behavior itself. Pharisees are created when just outward behavior is addressed verses addressing the heart of the issue. I've seen very respectful and behaved children/teenagers/adults to their elders/authority but underneath that they have wicked hearts. I'd much rather have honest children who know it's ok to be themselves with me and with God too. That means that I better be prepared for the truth too and be gracious no matter what that might be and prayerful to God to ask the best way to handle the situation. It seems that the Mr./Ms. Innocents are the ones that get into the most trouble. Simply because they've mastered the art of outward appearances and the parents didn't take the time to dig deeper and pour into their lives. I pray everyday that I can be a shepherd vs. a Pharisee. That takes communication, the art of listening and speaking, a give AND a take, in a meaningful conversation. Not merely a lecture or punishment.
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